omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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