Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
