Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
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sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Two words: blizzard sex
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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