the new term for farting is butt boxing.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
