Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
