I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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