I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
