I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
