Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
