there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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