I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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