It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize