It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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