is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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