Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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