3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
