yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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