My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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