You made me cry and you don't even care
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't judge me šš¼ his dick just whispers my name
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Donāt listen to me, Iām walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting āyeeeeaaahhhhhhā
Randomize
