Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
