We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
