brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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