dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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