you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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