I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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