Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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