I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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