Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
