dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
