Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
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On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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