im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You took a bar mat shot.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
