I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize