i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
