He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
this just has baby written all over it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
