Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
