I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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