I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
