just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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