Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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