Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
