So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How external is "for external use only"?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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