he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
