so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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