in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
