apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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