There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
