this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
