i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
