I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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