are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
