come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
