are you still at the devil's house?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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