You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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