My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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