Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
