I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
