I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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