Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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