i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
