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I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
