no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
