Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos

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  (630): I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos! (317): Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto? (630): Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos http://tfl.nu/vb21
  Replies (20) Good night (2732) Bad night (959)
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  (646): View more from New York

  So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."

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  (646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit." http://tfl.nu/5gls
  Replies (31) Good night (1215) Bad night (4955)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.

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  (660): We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend. http://tfl.nu/9y0s
  Replies (31) Good night (6211) Bad night (827)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor

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  (541): And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor http://tfl.nu/0k04
  Replies (17) Good night (1090) Bad night (4945)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.

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  (916): A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever. http://tfl.nu/cexy
  Replies (65) Good night (1648) Bad night (5724)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister

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  (714): I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister http://tfl.nu/d8wy
  Replies (13) Good night (3935) Bad night (978)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.

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  (513): I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again. http://tfl.nu/s5qg
  Replies (9) Good night (1567) Bad night (3623)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!

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  (410): She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success! http://tfl.nu/k1zi
  Replies (10) Good night (1845) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup

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  (626): you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup http://tfl.nu/p78v
  Replies (1) Good night (565) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time

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  (860): It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time http://tfl.nu/gqs4
  Replies (1) Good night (672) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore

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  (616): if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore http://tfl.nu/orke
  Replies (10) Good night (2487) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt

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  (904): thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt http://tfl.nu/t37k
  Replies (0) Good night (574) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.

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  (405): So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door. http://tfl.nu/69g0
  Replies (4) Good night (652) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.

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  (248): apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week. http://tfl.nu/ax7v
  Replies (1) Good night (355) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.

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  (201): im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever. http://tfl.nu/ehqb
  Replies (2) Good night (389) Bad night (164)

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