I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...