Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.