Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives