Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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