Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol