I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.