so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?