I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
