you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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