i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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