i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
