I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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