the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
