Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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