this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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