I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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