A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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