Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
