They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
