My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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