i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
