Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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